Generous love

Posted by on Jul 11, 2013 in Blog | 0 comments

Generous love

There has been so much conditioning against loving and valuing ourselves. 

In the Catholic tradition in which I was raised, self-denial was seen as a great virtue. 

But denying ourselves, in the sense of denying our worth, not only damages ourselves.   

It also ripples out into our environment.   

If we deny our own worth then, directly or indirectly, we will also deny the worth of others.




Your own goodness

Here is one the earliest videos from Ralph Marsden, creator of the Daily Motivator.    I found it deeply healing when I first came across it a few years ago.

Take a few moments to enjoy, and give yourself permission to feel the warmth of your own goodness. 

If this brings tears to your eyes, allow them. They are tears of healing.  

In loving yourself, even a little more, you are allowing more of the love of the life force itself, of spirit, to flow through you and embody within you. 

You are coming more into the truth, into the integrity, of you.  

That is not a gift just to you, but to the world.







IFour Agreementsn The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz says that you can measure the level of your impeccability by your level of self-love.

In The Fifth Agreement, he says that the first lie we believe is “I am not God.”    

(If the word “god” doesn’t resonate for you, think of whatever word means worthy, sacred or valued for you.)

There is such truth in the saying “love thy neighbor as thyself.”  

We will love others to the extent that we love ourselves.  

Even if you agree with the concept, there may be conditioning that makes it hard to accept emotionally.  

Accept that, and be willing to take baby steps.





There is a vast difference between self-love born of true connection and an inflated self-aggrandizement.  

Dalai Lama 1Paradoxically, when we love ourselves, we can be fully present to another. 

We are comfortable enough in our own skin to focus on another.

I once heard the difference described like this. 


When you meet someone with genuine self-worth and self-esteem, you come away feeling a greater sense of your own worth, as reflected to you by their attitude towards you.  

Their cup is so full that they don’t need anything from you.  

For example, I’ve that that is how people feel when they meet the Dalai Lama.

If you come away with a sense of being less-than, or at least that they were trying to be more-than, that is self-esteem based on an insecure ego which doesn’t feel that its cup is full.  

It has to make an impression or play a power struggle or get its needs met, often in an indirect way.




Love to share

Love to share

Authentic love

I can certainly identify with that. 

When I am peace with myself, when I am loving towards myself, I am much kinder and more respectful to others.  

I can also feel the difference when I am acting out of lack of self-love. 

I try to make an impression, prove myself right and/or the other wrong, or try to fill some unacknowledged need under the guise of “love.”

The trick then is not to judge myself, but to spot the dynamic, see where a lack of love is being shown up for acknowledgement and healing.

Integrity isn’t about trying to present an image of perfection or “preparing a face to meet the faces that we meet” (Eliot). 

It’s about being authentic.




A moment of nurturing



At the end of this message is link to a song which never fails to touch me.   I also love the visuals in this version.

This is a good one for the times when you feel disconnected from your own soul or spirit.   

Or indeed for you to share with someone who is feeling discouraged or unlovable, which is most of us at some time or other.

And perhaps after you’ve listened and watched, see its effect on how you treat the people around you.   

Maybe someone you’ve dismissed, judged or disapproved of.

 They’ve most likely had their moments of feeling less than beautiful or whole. 

They’re usually doing the best they know or can, given their perspectives and experience.    Just like you are.    Just like I am. 

A little kindness goes a long way.  Charity begins at home. 

Do something kind or loving to yourself to-day and see the difference in the world around you.





Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>